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What do you say when your 10-year-old son asks you why it is okay to call boys “stupid”? In the aftermath of Israel’s win at Eurovision, I found myself discussing the winning song with my four boys. They range in age from 8 to 14 and were very bothered by the popular refrain, “I’m not your toy/ You stupid boy,” sung by Netta Barzilai.
“I thought ‘stupid’ is a word we don’t use about other people.” As young, sheltered and innocent boys, they were clearly lacking the necessary context to enable them to understand the message that Netta is trying to convey. Instead, they thought it was a “not-nice” song that mocks men, calls them “stupid boys,” and bullies them without any cause. I couldn’t help but note the irony. Even after I explained to my boys the background of the song and the goal of female empowerment in a climate where women are often taken advantage of, they still struggled to wrap their heads around it. “But why does the song have to be so mean to all boys in return?” They are certainly not familiar with #MeToo, and I attempted to fill in the gaps and describe the perspective that the song was written from. My boys weren’t satisfied. And the truth is that I wasn’t either. Dj songs mp3 free download.
Even with current realities being what they are, why does that justify the song’s rough, sweeping response to them? Over the last few days, I have been thinking a lot about our culture and the subtle, underlying messages that we send our children. Much pride and good feeling were engendered from seeing Israeli flags waving at the Eurovision. But did that distract us from thinking about the impression this song makes on the ears of young, smart boys? More, have we deferred to this pop song as a substitute for careful and measured conversations about what to expect, and to demand, from relationships? As my children reminded me, I am often encouraging them, as well as my students, to aspire for high standards, whether in language, communication, or relationships. And while “Toy” is fun, catchy, and relevant, in this case they pushed me to admit that the bar it sets is too low for my tastes on all those counts.
We can aim higher. Which is why I was similarly troubled by reading in the New York Times. Story after story in this feature detail how murky and complicated consent can be when often there is no preexisting relationship. They recount the resulting coercion, awkwardness, fear, vulnerability, pressure, and abuse and the lasting consequences of pain, sadness, regret, and resentment. Yet again, I found myself asking: Can modern societies not educate towards something better? Consent, protection and empowerment are all crucially important.